Have you ever thought about how so many people get upset and hate people who have kids even though they don’t know what it is like? I mean if you don’t have kids at all how could you understand anything about the struggles of being a parent? So, why don’t we hate people who don’t have kids back?
Well, we might sometimes because of trips that they go on or what they might be doing with their lives. Or the nice things that they might be buying themselves. I mean who doesn’t want to treat themselves? But once we see the happy smiles or new achievements our kids make then our hearts melt again and we no longer care.
Why Do People Hate Those Who Have Kids?
Oh goodness, the reasons for people hating each other is huge and to narrow it down to just those without kids hating those with kids is still a long list. It could be anything from grudges against their own parents to pet peeves, out-of-control kids to the sound of kids crying or screaming, or even just that kids get dirty.
I mean this list could go on and on about why people hate parents, but there are just a few reasons I actually feel the need to talk about here. Those are that kids can be an interruption, thinking that parents are parenting wrong, issues with their own parents, and just plain jealousy.
Being An Interruption
We all know this oh so well. Kids interrupt the lives of those they are around whether that be their own parents or just the lady at the store they want to talk to. But what really gets people who don’t have kids is when they interrupt their daily routines or their bubbles.
Interrupting Daily Routines
Think of the ladies at Starbucks, they all come from different walks of life to get their own personal favorite cup of coffee. There are high school students, college students, career women, those who just work there, and of course moms. First, just ignore the high school students because they just hate everything. Now, look at the last four.
A mom can be a college student, a career woman, and a barista. But a college student, career woman, and a barista don’t have to be a mom. Yet during that time at the coffee shop, their day can be interrupted by a temper tantrum child who was just told no (FYI “no” is like the worst word in the world for kids to hear).
Mom’s are used to it and honestly can be really good at ignoring it. Whereas those who never have to hear or deal with temper tantrums are pretty instantly annoyed or angered about it.
Being In Someone’s Bubble
What is worse than a temper tantrum is when their bubbles are being intruded on. Kids run around, don’t sit still, can be overly excited to meet new people, and love to ask questions. But when a stranger’s kid comes up to them and stands too close or bumps into them they freak out inside (sometimes out loud too).
Before I had kids even I freaked out when random kids came up to me and stood in my bubble. My first thoughts were always “Whose kid are you?”, “Why are you so close to me?”, “What do you want?”, “If I ignore you will you go away?”, and “Oh, please stop looking at me and go back to your parents”.
It is just an awkward situation to be in and especially if you don’t really have experience with kids. It may even leave the person on edge or give them anxiety for the rest of the day. So, the interruption that kids have on those who don’t have kids could be anything from just getting annoyed with them to giving them anxiety for the rest of the day. This really could be a good reason to dislike some parents, but not hate them.
Feeling That Others Are Parenting Wrong
If I had a nickel for every time someone thought that someone else was parenting their kids wrong I would be pretty rich. Now if I had a nickel every time a person without kids thought that all the parents they saw were parenting wrong I would still be pretty dang rich. For some reason, everyone in the world thinks that someone else is wrong with the way they parent their own kids.
But I digress.
Parenting is a very hard struggle for everyone. It is something you have to learn by doing and not just reading it from a book or learning from everyone else’s experiences. Honestly, it would be so much easier if it could be learned from a book especially before you have kids. But it’s not.
You can read many parenting books and they will be different in many ways. Because there is no one right way to parent. There never has been and there will never be. Even parenting your second or third child will be different than your first one.
The problem is that people who don’t have kids won’t understand that until they do. In reality when we think of having kids or “dream” of it so-to-speak it looks simple from the outside in. It looks like you have everything under control, you managed to find the perfect way to parent your children, and you have such beautiful, well-mannered kids.
If only that were reality.
I bet all of us would love that scenario and have a happy ever after, but it won’t happen that way. Nothing in life happens the exact way you want it to.
But all of the people that don’t have kids end up thinking that we are failing in parenting at some point. We are not though. It is just they think that our kids might not be under control if they go up to other people. Or that having a temper tantrum in a store is unacceptable and should have been handled differently by the parent. But that is just their opinion.
Issues With Their Own Parents
This is one of the juiciest topics about parenting that I love because it can go deep into the psychology of a person. I will keep this brief here. How someone was raised says a lot about them and how they would parent their own kids. But if you really hated how you were raised you start to think that you either don’t want to have kids ever or that you will be completely different when parenting your own kids.
Those who have chosen not to have kids yet but still hate how their parents raised them will be prejudiced against other parents out there. If they see something that their own parents did they will start hating random parents who do the same thing. And the cycle will just keep going on because hating = more hating. Until they choose to move past it.
There is one thing that tends to make people hate each other and that is jealousy. Many people who do not have kids yet could actually be very jealous of those who do.
Some people might not think about that because who wants to be jealous of having to change dirty diapers? But those who are jealous have their own reasons as well. It could be that they haven’t been able to find the right person to have kids with. Or that they can’t have a kid due to a medical condition.
And if you were about to say that they could adopt a child just realize that not everyone can actually adopt. There are very specific requirements for adopting a child and a very long process as well. It isn’t as easy as saying that you would like to adopt a child and immediately you are done. It doesn’t work that way.
But the people who are jealous that you have a kid and they don’t just wish that they could feel that unconditional love that kids give you. And we get it. Without that love, we would feel incomplete again and that brings us to why we don’t hate people who don’t have kids.
Why Don’t We Hate People Who Don’t Have Kids?
Honestly, we have many reasons that we could hate people in this day and age. Whether it be because of what we see on Instagram or Facebook, which is only what they want us to see. Or just because we believe that life on the other side without kids is so much easier or maybe even greener.
But there are also many reasons because of having kids that we don’t care to hate those without kids as much as we would expect to. Things like being a better role model for our kids and not having the time to even spend on caring about something so trivial. And that every parent wasn’t born as a parent they were once single and childless too.
Being The Bigger Person
Once you have kids you have to teach them by showing and not just telling them how to act or do something. This means when you want your kids to “be the bigger person” you need to show them how. And what better way to start than not hating people who don’t have kids?
Hating just equals more hating in the world, but if you want your kid to rise above all of that hate and try to break the cycle then you have to do just that. Rise above and be the bigger person. Now it can be hard at times and social media is a huge cause of that but there are ways to do it.
The biggest way to reduce your chances of having a hard time is to limit your social media time. You just waste a lot of your day on hating and being jealous of other people’s posts. Which might not actually be real. And you start to end up in that cycle again.
Then what was the point of trying to be the bigger person?
What Is The Point? Does It Do Us Any Good?
Honestly, there is no point for parents to be jealous of those without kids. They might have more time on their hands because they aren’t juggling kids’ schedules, but they don’t have what is unique to being a parent. Unconditional love.
If that sounded cheesy that’s okay. Because in reality, it is the truth. When you have kids you get unconditional love from them. They might be annoyed by you or upset for you saying no, but they always love you.
Whereas the rest of the world lies about love these days. And you really can’t find unconditional love easily or at all unless you have a kid.
As a raver, I love the feeling you get at festivals and the warmth from the EDM community you get. Because it feels closer to unconditional love than most things because it is welcoming of everyone and about spreading joy and love with each other. The thing is that it is still conditional love. It only counts when you are at the festival or still talking to everyone on a daily basis.
Though being a raver you see more warmth and less of two-faced love it still isn’t even close to unconditional love. And that is the love mothers get to experience the most.
If you are angry or upset your kids can do something that no one else can. They know what you need. They know that if you are feeling down they can make a silly face, give you a big bear hug, and a kiss on the cheek and your whole day can be turned around.
So what is the point of hating someone who doesn’t have kids? It doesn’t do us any good and we have something they don’t get to experience yet. Plus we don’t have time to hate them.
Better Ways To Spend Our Time
Why spend time on something so trivial when you have a zillion things to get done with only 24 hours in a day. Between balancing schedules, keeping the house clean and tidy, making sure everyone is fed, and family time there is very little time left.
There are so many more ways to spend our time that are better, more efficient, and fun than to just hate people who don’t have kids. Mothers barely have time for themselves after a hectic day so it is better to spend it on relaxing or getting ahead in something than to scan social media and hate others.
Sure we can be on social media and be jealous of others sometimes, but it is better to be happy for them or find ways to do those things too. I mean ravers do it all the time.
Moms who go to festivals and raves still find time to do the things they did before having kids. They may be jealous of their friends or other people getting to go to every festival out there or back-to-back festivals, but that doesn’t make them stop altogether. They just work a few festivals here and there into their schedules.
Raver moms have no need to hate others for going to festivals they missed. There may be some joking about it but it doesn’t mean they actually hate each other. It just means they need to work that festival into their schedule next time.
So there are many better ways to spend our time than to hate people who don’t have kids. And remember we used to be them.
We Were Them
That is right. We were the people who might have hated parents. So we understand them more than they understand us. This means we are the ones that have a better understanding of what is troubling them and why they hate us.
Not everyone wants to listen to someone constantly talk about their kids or all of the nasty things that moms talk about together. I mean who enjoys a conversation or even has a conversation about what color someone’s poop was. But yet it is a normal thing for mothers because it is important for the health of their little ones.
So yeah we get it. There are some gross conversations that only people with kids have and everyone else is completely grossed out. That is why there is no point in hating someone who doesn’t have kids because even parents understand how weird we are. And how gross we can be. But there is one thing left to talk about.
Not Everyone Is Good With Kids
It is sad to say, but not everyone is good with kids. And not everyone will have kids in their lives. But that doesn’t mean we even have the right to hate them for it.
Some people were just born with a different look on life and choose not to have kids or even be around them. Which is alright because to each their own. Now they may still hate parents, but they just will never understand us in the first place.
Let’s be honest, those who don’t like kids and never will are better off not having kids. So with everything else we just need to be the bigger person because there is no point in wasting our time with those who will never like kids or understand us as parents.
So the reason why we don’t hate people who don’t have kids is because of our kids themselves. We want to be a better role model for them by being the bigger person. There is no point in hating people who don’t even know the feeling of unconditional love.
We have way too much to do to let something so trivial take over our days. We used to be those without children who hated parents at one point or another. And not everyone is good with kids and so there is no reason for them to have any of their own. So why hate someone you used to be when you don’t even have the time or need to? We don’t need to so we don’t. Not often at least.