Shamed For Going to Festivals as a Parent

Motherhood shouldn't mean you can't go to festivals and be a raver. So why are we shamed in society? #motherhood #festivals #shamed

Festivals and motherhood. Raves and diapers. New rave outfits and bathtime. Honestly, all of this is on a different spectrum. And a lot to have processing through my head. When did both raving and motherhood have to collide? Why did it? And what makes it so hard to have it all?

Let’s be real today. I am a mother and a raver. I love my festivals, but sharing my experiences with other people is a bit hard to do. I get judged a lot for going to a rave or festival because I am the mother of a young child. Then you have social media that will take things out of proportion or make you feel like you have to have a separate account for each side of you. 

You are you, so why does it matter to post about all of your life or even write about it when all of it is you. Doesn’t make me a bad mom to go to a festival once a year or even every few months. Doesn’t make me less of a raver to have had a baby. So why does it feel like people are shaming you for it?

Shamed For Going to Festivals as a Parent

The stigma of being a raver

Many people believe that ravers and people who go to EDM festivals, in general, all do drugs, drink, have sex with strangers, and blackout. Basically, it is a drug party to go and hook up with someone. 

That really isn’t the case. There will always be some that do that to either escape their daily life or that’s just who they are all of the time, but that isn’t most of the people that go. 

You can go to a rave or festival sober. 

It has been done before and will be done again.

But that percentage of people that do go to get messed up does ruin the image for everyone else. Though have you ever thought about the people that don’t? Do you think they just have a boring time? Not at all.

The music is what brings people to festivals and raves for the most part and that is what starts the acts of plur. The music turns into the amazingly friendly community that brings everyone back for yet another festival. 

Time and time again I enjoy my festivals and so does everyone else. Why does having a child change the way I am looked at because I go to festivals? Is there a rule saying you have to be either single and ready to mingle or a rave couple, that doesn’t have kids?

What group judges the most over being a raver and having kids?

Definitely, parents that have never been to a festival or stopped their life to have children. Every time I have met people at a festival and they found out I have a child they are ecstatic and truly in awe that I still go to festivals. The EDM community is so welcoming all of the time and I have never once been told: “then why are you here instead of with your child?” (insert extremely judgy tone).

Yet if I had a dollar for every time I have heard something like that from a parent who has never been to a festival, I would have enough for another festival ticket. And I would go. Shoot I may even have enough for a few tickets.

I go for the music and the community because it is so welcoming that you always want to go back. That is why when I go I feel re-energized and miss seeing my child. When I come back from a festival or rave I feel like I become a better mother because I have been staying at home with her for a while and sometimes you need a break.

Well, music is my break. Other parents may just need a guys night out or a mothers group and that is not wrong either. We are all different and what we need to re-energize ourselves with doesn’t have to be the same.

I bet that if you leave a comment below of what you do to have a break and feel like a better parent that there will be some similar and others very different.

Why is this the case?

Society has so many stereotypes towards ravers and towards motherhood. You either are the perfect model mother or father who spends all of their time on their children and working that they don’t have a “life” outside of work and parenting. Or you have bad parents who always leave their kids at their grandparents or a babysitter and go out partying, drinking, cheating, and not caring about their kids. 

It’s like people think you are one or the other, but in reality, that isn’t the case. There may be people like this, but not everyone and not the majority. I have met many parents at festivals and they have day jobs that pay well. Yet they still have a ton of time for their children too.

Sometimes people just jump to conclusions and that’s what sticks. Society and social media can be very cruel.

My best advice for other ravers that are parents

Don’t let it get to you. If you want to post about your children and festivals or anything else in your life, then do it. If you don’t then you don’t have to. There will be plenty of ravers that go to the same festivals as you that are also parents. 

You don’t have to give up on something you love like festivals just because you had children.

Oh! I need to tell you this awesome tip about rave and child balance! I had one set of parents tell me that every festival they go to they call it a Parent Vacation and for every parent vacation they have they take their kids on a vacation. How awesome is that! 

1 Festival = 1 Family vacation

And the more festivals you go to the more trips the kids get. I would have loved to be their children and I am definitely going to do this for mine. Imagine being a kid and getting to pick out a lot of family vacation spots. Parents of the year right there.

So, if you love going to festivals or raves don’t give them up. You can always find a way even if you have children.

4 responses

  1. Chelsea

    Love this! Thank you im a mom of a one and a half year old and have yet to go to a rave since ive had her. I usually post pictures when i go and am nervous to have people judge me especially my hubbys family because they just dont understand. But im going to my first rave in three years and this article gave me hope that i go And have fun and not care so much what people think!

    1. I am so glad to hear this! I really hope you enjoy your first rave after so long because you deserve it.

      One thing I have learned after having a kid is that if someone doesn’t understand something, like raving, it is not your job to make them understand. And honestly people who have never gone and aren’t open to the idea will never understand no matter how hard you try.

      Oh and if you ever want to bring your child to a festival to show them the culture there are a few all ages festivals like Electric Forest (but I would stay away from the anniversary years of it like 2020 is going to be very packed).

  2. Smriti Kunder

    What you do is fine? You balance it out well. But I know of an ex work colleague who is a mom of a 3 yr old kid, raves every weekend, off for long weekend solo trips, is out on birthdays and new years (without family). What do you think of her?

    1. Wow, that is a lot for someone with a toddler. I find that quite saddening actually. And quite honestly, I feel that if someone misses birthdays and holidays on purpose they probably shouldn’t have had kids in the first place and that they should realize that going way too often isn’t a good thing. I hope, sooner rather than later, they come to realize that there needs to be a balance and that they stop missing out on important events in their kid’s life, especially birthdays.

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