When I was first thinking about having a kid I was one of those women who didn’t think much would change from my life before. Just add a little bit of diaper changing and some feedings and we were all set. Boy was I completely wrong. Almost my whole life changed after having my daughter. I just could not believe how motherhood changed a lot of my life.
I used to play video games a ton as a gamer girl, I worked on learning languages, dancing, and worked a ton at my job as well. All of that has changed. It’s like some things I am no longer interested in or they just aren’t needed in my life now. I still love many things that I was working on before, but at the same time, I don’t continue with them.
It most likely is that my maternal nature kicked in and I deemed all of these things as unnecessary. OR I just figured the little time I had to myself was better spent on things like sleeping and taking care of the house along with trying to save my sanity instead.
Though as she grows up I am getting more time to spend with her doing activities together instead of just fully taking care of her needs. There are many things I can’t wait to do with my daughter as she grows and I hope that these activities will help her learn, grow, and enjoy them in general.
What was I expecting as a first-time mom?
Well, what most of us are expecting, simple changes. Maybe a bit of a struggle for the first 3 months. The thing is, I didn’t realize that there is a huge difference from being a babysitter or aunt in the duties of raising a child (dumb yes I know…). Seriously, how foolish could I have been? But I really didn’t understand it because I only was around my niece and daycare kids because both my mother and my sister did daycare for a few years. So I really thought it was just like that.
There were people telling me what was going to happen, but you really don’t get it until you actually have a kid. It’s pretty strange that way. It is like no matter how much you try to mentally (and physically) prepare yourself, you will never be prepared for the changes. And really how can that be? There are so many books, strangers, mothers, best friends, shows, and everything else in the world telling you about motherhood and what you should know. Yet, everything still comes as a shock.
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What Motherhood Changed A Lot For Me
So at first, I was working a lot of hours because I had so much time and I just wanted to make extra money for things that I wanted (who wouldn’t). I would make more money than the bills and everything was going great. I bought a new car to reward myself and just went through the annoying job I had. Well it was great at first like many jobs, but then you know the drama happens and bam, you dread working there.
But what ended up happening is when I got pregnant 2 things occurred. The first was that I ended up being that 1% that is nauseous and throws up the entire pregnancy and the second was that my job hired another manager we did not need and because of them I had to endure pregnancy discrimination every single day. So I quit that job after letting the higher-ups know that it was happening.
NO new mother should have to be told they NEED to do better and work harder because they will be a mom soon.
You are enough and you will be a great mother.
I left that job and decided to wait until after my daughter was born. Though during pregnancy I did decide to start my blog, I won’t get into that here. When I did go back to work, I just hated all of it. I hated being away from my daughter and I hated not knowing what my daughter was doing or eating when she was with her babysitter. I could not take it anymore, especially that the amount of money I made from my job only covered the cost of her babysitter or daycare. So what was the point?
At that point, it was just better to be a stay at home mom or a work at home mom. And that is what I did.
Lack of Sleep
This was the hardest for me since my sleeping schedule was staying up until about 3 am before sleeping until about 10 am. But with a baby, you are up at all hours. I did not get a good night’s sleep for almost a whole year. My daughter is just about to be one and I am finally starting to get things on track. Though she does wake up between 6 and 7 every morning I have begun to adjust to her schedule.
Now my best advice for getting sleep is to take naps when they take naps. If you are tired enough to get annoyed with them then you probably need a nap.
I never thought this would have been a thing for me, but I was wrong once again. All of my friends before I had my child now were such a distance away from me. It’s pretty difficult to have conversations that last a long time with people who are not parents or that are single. They just don’t really understand you as much anymore. There are many people that are able to keep their single friends close once they become a parent, but not for me.
My problem is that all of my single friends just wanted to go out all of the time and party. Or they would comment on how bad someone must have been at parenting when they see a kid throwing a temper tantrum in a store. I just could not be around that. They were great people and still are, but not what I needed to be around much anymore.
That might sound bad, but it is true. I may catch up with them here and there, but now I need mommy friends. Parents I can talk to about changes in my child or get advice from when it comes to things that aren’t working for me. People I can help when it comes to their children as well. And of course, you can’t really discuss your child’s color of poop with your single, non-parent friends because that is just weird.
Focus & Time
Being the focus driven and the goal-driven person I was was great until that focus changed big time. Fashion was my passion and drive and I still want that, it is just that now it has been placed on the back burner until I can find the time to work towards it. During the first years with a child is hard and leaves you very little time for other things. Especially things for yourself since you become focused on the needs of your child.
Even things like your own schooling or career will be put on hold if you don’t try to make time for it. I found that with the 10 minutes you get here and there during the day to try to do something productive instead of scrolling through social media makes a difference. Because you really don’t get a large chunk of time to do these things anymore.
The most I have ever had was a 2-hour nap and it was great. Just don’t try to wait to do everything when they go down for bed at night because you have had everything pile up throughout the day and little to no daylight to finish it.
This I knew was going to happen, but I didn’t imagine it to be as intense as it can be at times. I don’t like it when she gets hurt, but I am not going to shield her from everything because that is a bit too much. They need to learn that the world can be tough and rude too. But one day someone went too far in a conversation and made me extremely upset (my best at trying to say it nicer than the word I really want to use). This is what happened:
I was at a new friend’s house with a couple of my other friends and they had a couple of people I did not know over. I had my 10-month-old daughter with me and it was a bit late so she was fighting sleep because she was excited. She was playing with the kid toys at their house pretty nicely and by herself. Not loud at all unless she wanted a bite to eat of my food. Now out of the people, I didn’t know was this man in his 40’s. He started to get annoyed with my daughter and would not stop looking at her. Then he turned to another person I didn’t really know and started up a conversation of “I am so glad I don’t have a kid. And I am NEVER going to have a kid”.
I get it, not everyone is cut out for parenthood or even wants to be a parent, but still, this conversation never needed to happen. There were four of us there (the majority) that had kids and young ones at that, yet he still went on a rant, now this is what got me so upset. He then started saying how DIRTY kids were, how ANNOYING they always are, that they DISGUST him, and he kept going with comments like that WHILE STARING at my daughter. That triggered me so badly. My daughter is clean, quiet, independent, gorgeous, and just learning because she is still young. How could someone just say that to our faces?? Like, keep your opinion to yourself.
I honestly never expected how much you would have to stand up for your own child. Especially when she is just a baby and did nothing wrong at all.
This was a major thing for me because I am definitely not a morning person. And I am not a person who can have coffee either because I am intolerant to coffee. Now I do have to wake up in the morning since my lovely daughter enjoys waking up at 6 to 7 am for the most part. I have to get up with her, change her, make her food, have some food myself, and get on with the day.
She does enjoy playing a lot by herself. But here is the catch she always wants me to be in the same room as her. That means she gets fussy and screams when I need to go to the bathroom. Or cook in the kitchen where she can still see me. I must be in the same room. So my whole schedule has to be rotated around her schedule. That means laundry and chores when she naps. Working on this blog when she sleeps at night. Everything not involving her has to be done when she is asleep or she gets frustrated and pulls her hair.
At the beginning with my daughter, I would only eat foods that I could make quickly. I didn’t have much time for her nap and I was exhausted all the time. As time goes on the things I cook have changed. What started as quick food for me turned into foods that she could eat as well. Since she only wanted my food. When this started happening I had to change what I eat. That way she would be eating healthy and the nutrients she needed.
Then the food got more complex as she got older and her teeth started coming in. Once she started wanting to feed herself I needed foods that would be able to be bite-sized for her. Or easy for her to eat soft food. I switched her baby food jars to the easily squeezable pouches because she preferred it. And loved that she could eat by herself. I did have baby food left in jars and containers so I bought reusable squeezable pouches to fill. And now I can make her homemade food in a squeezable pouch to take anywhere. Though once she finishes it she still wants whatever I am eating too.
A lot has changed that I didn’t expect was going to. I was naive to think that just a few more responsibilities were going to happen instead of an entire life change. But it just didn’t feel real until I actually had her and that is when I realized I was not fully aware of the fact that my life was going to do a 180. Though I do love my life as it is being a mom, it took a lot to get adjusted to it.
It took me until she turned about a year old to finally get things adjusted. Whether it be the ways to get more sleep, when to do all of the chores, or just how to handle her fits where I wouldn’t lose my sanity in the end. Honestly, I am glad to be a stay at home mom. Really because I get to know exactly how she is being raised, what she is eating if she is eating enough, and how she is being disciplined. I would rather be the one to know all of that, instead of leaving her in someone else’s care for the most part.
Don’t get me wrong babysitters and daycares do their best and some are just amazing. I know that both my mother and sister did daycare for a long time, but for me, it just wasn’t reasonable. Now I get to be with the child I love all day.
Question of the Week
What was the most shocking thing that changed in your life when you became a mother? Or what do you think will shock you the most when you do become a mother (or father)?